butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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