I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
