She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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