how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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