I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
