moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
