At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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