So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
