Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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