look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
