Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
