The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
