dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
