Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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