she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So many bounce houses so little time
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
did you just send me my own nude
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
