OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
