Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
