i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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