She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
