I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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