I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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