He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
