"it" just moved
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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