So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
