Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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