I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize