i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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