At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
