1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize