WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
