another moral hangover. fuck.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
