If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
