piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
