We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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