the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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