his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
