I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
