It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Vodka?
Forever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
