Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize