i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
