last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
