he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
