I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
