Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
