hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
