dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
