The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
