This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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