He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
