What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
