oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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