I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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