I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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