It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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