We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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