Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
do herpes really smell.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
