So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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