I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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