id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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