I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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