my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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