She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
