You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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