am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
