Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize