My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
