The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
