stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
