My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
