ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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