im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
