About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize