Dude my mom stole all your condoms
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
