I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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