I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
