So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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