How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
