At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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