marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
