Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
