I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize