I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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