peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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