he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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