you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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