Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
