Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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