In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
