I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize