Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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