we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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